Shockingly, Egypt has fared better than its Arab neighbors. Syria has become one of the world's most oppressive police states, a country where 25,000 people can be rounded up and killed by the regime with no consequences. (This in a land whose capital, Damascus, is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world.) In 30 years Iraq has gone from being among the most modern and secular of Arab countries--with women working, artists thriving, journalists writing--into a squalid playpen for Saddam Hussein's megalomania. Lebanon, a diverse, cosmopolitan society with a capital, Beirut, that was once called the Paris of the East, has become a hellhole of war and terror. In an almost unthinkable reversal of a global pattern, almost every Arab country today is less free than it was 30 years ago. There are few countries in the world of which one can say that.
I know a Vietnam vet that, as you, had to shoot and kill a child, as many warriors have had to do. He carried her around inside for over 30 years. He, as you was tormented. After many years, his therapist suggested that he have a figurative funeral for her. It so happened the next week his long in pain very old mother died. He went to her funeral and figuratively laid the little girl in his mother’s arms for her to take care of her forever. Immediately he felt better. As time passed, with each time he remembered laying the little girl in his mother’s arms he felt better. Perhaps you can do the same in your mind. Use your spirituality in this one. Find a spiritual caretaker for the child. (Remember, retrain the brain is what this is all about)
On 27 April Model met with Hitler to review and express his concern for reconnaissance information which showed the Red Army constructing very strong positions at the shoulders of the salient and having withdrawn their mobile forces from the area west of Kursk.  He argued that the longer the preparation phase continued, the less the operation could be justified. He recommended completely abandoning Citadel, allowing the army to await and defeat the coming Soviet offensive, or radically revising the plan for Citadel.   Though in mid-April Manstein had considered the Citadel offensive profitable, by May he shared Model's misgivings.   He asserted that the best course of action would be for the German forces to take the strategic defensive, ceding ground to allow the anticipated Soviet forces to extend themselves and allow the German panzer forces to counterattack in the type of fluid mobile battle at which they excelled.  Convinced that the Red Army would deliver its main effort against Army Group South, he proposed to keep the left wing of the army group strong while moving the right wing back in stages to the Dnieper River, followed by a counterattack against the flank of the Red Army advance. The counteroffensive would continue until the Sea of Azov was reached and the Soviet forces were cut off. Hitler rejected this idea; he did not want to give up so much terrain, even temporarily.